Russell Wilson's Instagram proves he doesn't know how Roman numerals work [PHOTOS]

by kslane 2 days ago in Articles

Everyone loves Russell Wilson. The newly minted Super Bowl champion is a wholesome Christian quarterback whose social media profiles are filled with Bible verses and hospital visits to sick children. In a widely shared photo, Wilson's immaculate Instagram feed is compared favorably to that of 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, the implication being that Wilson's saint-like personal brand makes him a better person than Kaep, whose photos of tattoos and shoes  feels a bit too [...] continue reading ›

 
 
 
 

Nation's dads can't believe refs missed call

by kslane 5 days ago in Articles

The nation's dads erupted this evening midway through the first quarter of the Super Bowl when referees missed a call so obvious "they would have to be blind not to have seen it" according to irate spouses forced to share the room with them. "I mean, come on! How do you miss that one, ref? It's right there on the screen!" the dads shouted, adding that they could just look up on the Jumbotron and see for themselves if they wanted. "There! There it is again! God they totally[...] continue reading ›

 
 
 
 

Report: At least one of the seven layers in weird friend's Super Bowl party dip probably semen

by kslane 5 days ago in Articles

Partygoers suspect local weird Todd Blackridge's seven-layer dip, which Blackridge claims is an old family recipe, may contain traces of semen. "Todd's a weird dude, and there's something really weird about the flavor of that light layer," said party host Nathan Johnson. "I should have stopped inviting him to these parties years ago, but his cubicle is right next to mine, so there's really no way out of it." "Maybe it's just sour cream," Johnson added. "But if it is, it[...] continue reading ›

 
 
 
 

White House denies asking Peyton Manning to say “Obama” instead of “Omaha” during AFC Championship

by kslane 21 days ago in Articles

DENVER -- The White House held a press conference today denying rumors that a member of the President’s staff asked Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning to consider saying “Obama” instead of Manning’s usual “Omaha” during his pre-snap cadence. The rumor, first reported by Ben Shapiro of breitbart.com, gained steam Thursday after the President said he was rooting for the Broncos in Sunday’s matchup against the New England Patriots. “I’m a huge Peyton Manning fan bec[...] continue reading ›

 
 
 
 

Chargers simulate Mile High atmosphere by holding practice at Willie Nelson concert

by kslane 26 days ago in Articles

DENVER – In hopes of gaining a tactical edge while playing at the Denver Broncos’ notoriously tough Mile High Stadium, the San Diego Chargers held their final practice at a Willie Nelson concert, hoping it would simulate Mile High’s unique atmosphere. “We work on conditioning all season long, and guys are ready to give their all on Sunday with our season on the line, but nothing can prepare you for 60 minutes of playing in a stadium that high,” said Chargers coach Mike McC[...] continue reading ›

 
 
 
 

WATCH: Dennis Rodman sings happy birthday to Kim Jong-Un, because that's the world we now live in

by kslane 30 days ago in JukeLeft

In what can only be described as our generation's answer to Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to John F. Kennedy, Dennis Rodman serenaded Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un before losing (intentionally?) to a squad of North Koreans in an exhibition basketball game. Congratulations Dennis, you somehow orchestrated a basketball game more absurd than Space Jam.