Andrew Bynum unanimously voted to All-NBA 63rd team

NEW YORK – 76ers center Andrew Bynum was a unanimous pick for the All-NBA 63rd team, as determined by a panel of writers and broadcasters in the U.S. and Canada. Bynum received the honor after a hugely disappointing season in Philadelphia, in which he failed to play a single game despite earning nearly $17 million. Riddled by an endless array of injuries, including one he sustained while bowling, Bynum’s season will likely go down as one of the most futile efforts in NBA h[...] continue reading ›

If ‘Air Bud’ movies depicted what sports were really like

There’s nothing realistic about a dog competing against humans in sports, but the Air Bud series has somehow managed to squeeze out six different movies from that exact premise. If they’re going to keep deluding little kids into thinking that dogs can play sports, they should at the very least give an honest portrayal of what the sports world is really like. So we took the liberty of doing that for them. Here’s a sneak preview of a few different scenes from our forthcoming[...] continue reading ›

Alain Vigneault to resume work as talking wart in Dr. Scholl’s commercial

VANCOUVER, British Columbia – The Vancouver Canucks fired coach Alain Vigneault Wednesday in response to the team’s disappointing playoff elimination. After seven years with the team, however, Vigneault told reporters that he was looking forward to time off and that he was hoping to resume work as the talking wart in Dr. Scholl’s commercials. “I love hockey, but acting is my true passion,” Vigneault explained. “So maybe getting fired is a blessing in disguise.” Vigne[...] continue reading ›

Cavs on lottery win: “We’re excited to ruin the first chapter of Nerlens Noel’s career”

CLEVELAND – Shortly after taking home the top prize in Tuesday’s NBA Draft Lottery, the Cavaliers announced that they were very excited at the prospect of ruining the first chapter of Kentucky power forward Nerlens Noel’s career. Noel, the consensus top pick in the upcoming draft, was initially enthusiastic at the prospect of playing alongside Kyrie Irving and the rest of the emerging Cleveland roster, but owner Dan Gilbert quickly put the damper on his expectations. “I[...] continue reading ›

PGA gives Sergio Garcia $50,000 bonus for racist remark

The Professional Golfer’s Association of America awarded Sergio Garcia a $50,000 bonus Wednesday morning in recognition of a racist remark he made towards world No. 1 Tiger Woods. Garcia made the remark Tuesday night at the European Tour awards dinner, joking that he would give Woods fried chicken at next month’s U.S. Open. While the comment undeniably played off an offensive African-American stereotype, PGA officials insist that it honored the rich traditions of professio[...] continue reading ›

Bears sign Tim Tebow to fill overhyped white guy role left by Brian Urlacher

CHICAGO – Bears GM Phil Emery announced Wednesday that the team had signed free agent quarterback Tim Tebow to fill the role of overhyped white guy left by Brian Urlacher. The announcement came just hours after news broke that Urlacher had retired from the NFL. With Urlacher completely out of the picture, the team seemed eager to fill some of the hole he left behind. “Don’t get me wrong, Urlacher’s a guaranteed Hall of Famer, and for many years he was the heartbeat of t[...] continue reading ›