Yankees respond to Nick Swisher beaning by pegging him three more times in dugout

New York Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher, who in a recent MLB players’ poll was named the third most hated man in baseball, had no problem living up to his reputation on Monday.

After being hit by a pitch from Atlanta Braves lefty Mike Minor in the second inning, Swisher returned to the dugout only to be pegged by three additional pitches thrown by his teammates.

The pitches resulted in a bruised right ribcage, a minor concussion, and a raised welt on Swisher’s left shin, all of which will keep him out of at least three games.

“There’s an unspoken code of honor in this game, and so when a player like Swish gets hit, you gotta respond and hit him a few more times for good measure,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi.

“What a douche bag,” he added.

The three Yankees who beaned Swisher—Jayson Nix, Robinson Cano, and Curtis Granderson—all say they did so out of a sense of duty to their teammates.

“You just can’t have someone that annoying parading around in your ball club without any consequences,” said Cano. “It’s a real wakeup call when another team does the dirty work that we should’ve been doing behind the scenes. We just really needed to nail him a few times to send a message.”

Swisher, who addressed reporters after the game wearing a backwards cap, mirrored sunglasses, and an impossibly douchey Under Armour backpack, brushed off the incident and chose instead to make repeated references to how cool he was.

“Yeah, wuddup bros? You like what you see? Think I look pretty fly? It’s because I am fly,” boasted Swisher. “I’m the flyest dude around. Check out how much chewing tobacco I can fit in my lip. Pretty badass, right? So badass. I’m the baddest.”

Swisher left the ballpark on Monday without any further incident, and unfortunately sustained no horrific injuries on his drive home.

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