WNBA surges in popularity after teams sign male players

NEW YORK – WNBA president Laurel J. Richie confirmed Friday that the league has been surging in popularity ever since teams began signing male players earlier this season.

Speaking at a press conference, Richie reported that ticket sales had nearly quadrupled and that TV ratings had been soaring due to the decision by all 12 teams in the league to include male players on their rosters, which they had previously refrained from doing simply because no one had thought of it.

“The GM from the Tulsa Shock reached out to me back in May and asked for permission to sign a few men, and I really couldn’t see why not,” Richie explained. “After all, men are capable of a more aggressive and exhilarating playing style, and we want the fan experience to be as exciting as possible. It just seemed like a logical move, and obviously now it’s paying off.”

Each of the teams in the WNBA now have at least four male players on their rosters, most of them plucked out of the D-League, the street ball circuit, or various European leagues. As a result, the games are now substantially more electrifying, with an exponential increase in slam-dunks, alley-oops, and other high-flying maneuvers.

“I mean, obviously it’s still important for there to be female players in the league, so at some point we’ll probably have to put some sort of cap in place to make sure that women are still filling the bench roles,” Richie reasoned. “But I mean, gosh, I really can’t believe we went this long without men in the league. Don’t get me wrong, the women are elite athletes in their own right, but you just simply can’t compare them with the physical abilities of these male players. It’s just wayyyyyyyyy more fun to watch men play. Period. No hard feelings, though.”

Richie also stated that the league is strongly considering allowing teams to draft animals, figuring that “pretty much any human being with a pulse” would spend considerable sums of money to watch “chimps and elephants and kangaroos and octopi and sloths” playing competitive basketball.

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