Eli Manning tears both MCLs attempting Victor Cruz’s salsa dance in bathroom mirror

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – The Giants’ hopes of winning a second consecutive Super Bowl were devastated Wednesday when quarterback Eli Manning suffered tears to both MCLs in a bizarre accident at his home. The 31-year-old, wearing a bright yellow polo shirt tucked neatly into a pair of too-short khakis, injured himself in front of his bathroom mirror while practicing various celebrations he could use for future rushing touchdowns. Listening to a “Jock Jams” tape that his big[...] continue reading ›

Two Vikings come out of closet now that Chris Kluwe isn’t around to steal spotlight

MINNEAPOLIS – After the Minnesota Vikings released outspoken punter Chris Kluwe earlier this week, two of the team’s players immediately held a press conference to announce that they were gay. Tight end John Carlson and receiver Stephen Burton said that they’ve long been keeping their homosexuality a secret, as they were afraid that Kluwe would steal the spotlight if they were to reveal their sexual preferences. “We’d always see Chris getting all this attention on talk [...] continue reading ›