Tags archives: playoffs

Ray Lewis screams the word ‘blessed’ for five minutes in what team interprets as emotional pep talk

BALTIMORE – After a brief practice Wednesday morning, future Hall of Fame linebacker Ray Lewis gathered his teammates together and delivered what many of those present interpreted as an emotional pep talk. Breathing heavily, his eyes glistening with passion, Lewis paced back and forth across the locker room, shaking his head as if he couldn’t find the right way to articulate his feelings. “Blessed,” the 13-time Pro Bowler finally barked. “So, so, so blessed. BLESSED!” Pausing to regain his composure, Lewis screamed “blessed” eight more times, pointing at a different player after each instance. He then bent over, appearing weary, and exploded upwards, violently pounding his chest in a display of unbridled energy, screaming “blessed” at the ceiling in a way that sounded more furious than grateful. “BLESSED!!!! BLESSED, blessed, BLESSED, blessed, BLESSED, BLESSED BLESSED!!!!!! BLESSSSSSSSSSSSSED BLESS BLESS BLESS BLESS,” Lewis roared. His teammates, by now long familiar with these unfiltered bursts of emotion, nodded politely, muttering a gratuitous “amen” from time to time to show support. “Ray’s a very [...]

The real story behind Peyton Manning and Ray Lewis’ private locker room meeting

After the Ravens victory over the Broncos Saturday, a candid photo of Peyton Manning privately congratulating Ray Lewis quickly went viral. Though it appeared to be a poignant moment between two of football’s most revered veterans, JukeLeft was able to access security footage to find out what actually took place. *** (After downing nine shots of Papa John’s garlic butter to soothe the agony of defeat, PEYTON MANNING wanders over to the Ravens’ locker room to congratulate linebacker RAY LEWIS.) PEYTON: Hello, Ray, I’m Peyton Manning. You might remember me as the winner of the 2006 Super Bowl MVP award, or perhaps from today’s game, in which your team defeated my team in double overtime. RAY: Of course, man, you’re a legend, I’m so glad to meet you. And who’s this little guy? PEYTON: This is my son, Marshall. You might be wondering why I’m letting him play with that little piece of trash in his hands, and the answer is that he is a Manning, and Mannings are not [...]

Good Decisions with Ryan Leaf: Pill-poppin' picks for the divisional round

What’s up, NON-athletes and degenerate gamblers? It’s your boy, first-overall super rookie Ryan Leaf, back with the picks you need to keep you in the money and away from being my cell mate for at least another week. Boil down those pills and strap yourself in for a totally not delusional roller coaster ride of professional gambling advice. Packers vs. 49ers San Francisco, eh? Sounds like a bar where girls hang out to talk about “Melrose Place,” am I right fellas? Hahaha, anyway, I guess we gotta talk about their “football” team. We haven’t heard much about them in the last couple weeks, and you’re probably thinking that that’s ’cause they had a bye week, but that just means you’re stupid. Methadone Matt let me in on some info you scrubs would never know about if it wasn’t for yours truly. Seems that in their week off, Patrick Willis and Aldon Smith have been playing some hardcore W.O.W. (World of Warcraft, for all you losers with jobs) and they’ve been “raiding” like CRAZY. With a pretty important football game close on [...]

Marshawn Lynch rushes 270 yards after seeing scary bug

SEATTLE – Fresh off a strong performance in the Seahawks’ close win over the Redskins, running back Marshawn Lynch showed that he’s always on his game Monday when he rushed for 270 yards after seeing a really scary bug. Walking to his car outside the team’s practice facility, Lynch saw the offending creature scuttling across the parking lot, and he immediately bolted in terror for nearly a fifth of a mile, not slowing down until he was certain the insect wasn’t chomping at his heels. Lynch described the bug as a “mini snake with a zillion legs and alien teeth that hissed at me,” likely indicating that he stumbled upon a common household centipede. While the insect’s appearance can certainly be disconcerting, it’s hard to fathom how an athlete nicknamed “Beast Mode” could be so spooked. Yet Lynch was quick to defend his reaction. “It’s the playoffs, man, I’m not gonna take any unnecessary risks, especially if some spider goblin’s lookin’ up at me with its little antenna things, probably [...]

TBS names 47-minute Phish song as official MLB postseason anthem

ATLANTA – In anticipation of the MLB playoffs, TBS announced Friday that they’d be using a 47-minute Phish song as the official postseason anthem in all their promotional materials. A live version of “Tweezer,” a popular song among the band’s devotees, will be played in its entirety over a highlight video that airs before each postseason game. Nine-minute teases of the song will also be played after commercial breaks to usher in each new inning, which producers hope will establish a consistent inspirational theme through October. Turner Sports president Steve Koonin acknowledged that the song choice is divergent from the Mellencamp and Springsteen tunes used in previous years, but overall he believes it will be a refreshing change of pace from what viewers are used to. “Baseball’s a patient sport, and nothing’s more American than slow afternoons at the ballpark, treasuring all the little things about the game,” said Koonin. “So we decided that a painfully long and drawn-out jam band song with sporadic emotional peaks would help viewers ease [...]