Tags archives: oklahoma-city-thunder

Disappointed OKC fans ship Thunder back to Seattle in giant wooden crate

OKLAHOMA CITY – Disappointed by the Thunder’s playoff elimination at the hands of the Grizzlies Wednesday night, local fans responded by shipping their team back to Seattle in a giant wooden crate. Led by an irate man in a cowboy hat named Jim, a group of 30 disillusioned fans waited outside Chesapeake Energy Arena following the loss and forced the players one-by-one in a colossal crate designed to carry bulk building supplies. “What the heck, man, you can’t just kidnap us like this,” complained forward Kevin Durant as a fan bound his limbs together with heavy nylon rope. Despite the Thunder’s impressive regular season record, the hometown fans were left unsatisfied by the team’s playoff effort. Citing the team’s impotence post-Harden and Westbrook and the tactical inflexibility of Scott Brooks under duress, the fans concluded that the team needed to go before it inflicted the city with any more heartbreak. “With the talent they’ve demonstrated thus far, anything other than a title is gonna be a bummer,” reasoned Jim. “Oklahoma’s [...]

Kevin Durant fools opposing team by hiding ball under jersey and pretending he’s pregnant

OKLAHOMA CITY – Flying into Oklahoma for Wednesday’s game against the Thunder, the Golden State Warriors believed they were ready for whatever their opponents threw their way. But the Thunder soared to a 119-98 victory, much thanks to Kevin Durant’s unusual new offensive strategy: bouncing the ball beneath his jersey and pretending he was pregnant to sneak past defenders. Time and time again, Durant managed to outfox the helpless Warriors by employing the trick, waddling right past his opponents while shouting, “Excuse me, pregnant lady coming through! Make way!” The ploy earned Durant 25 points on the night, and no one on the Warriors ever managed to figure out the key to his deception. “We had no idea how he managed to keep scoring,” said Warriors guard Klay Thompson. “One minute he’d be dribbling right in front of you, and the next he’d be standing there looking vulnerable and pregnant. I mean, what were we supposed to do? We thought the ball had disappeared, and you can’t get aggressive with [...]

Kimbo “Slice” Harden proud of little brother James

Kimbo “Slice” Harden knows a thing or two about taking blows. Which is why the boxer and mixed martial artist, who is just as widely recognized for his wild beard as for his brutal street fights, has to hand it to his little brother James for fielding an elbow from Metta World Peace earlier this season with utmost composure. “If someone jacked me like that, you better believe he’d spend a week or two in the hospital,” said Kimbo. “But James has always been the quiet, patient one in the family, which I think explains a lot of the success he’s been having with the Oklahoma City Thunder.” Though the two siblings are separated by more than 15 years of age, their striking similarity in appearance has been an occasional cause for confusion recently, especially for the elder brother. “Seems like every time I’m in a restaurant now I got some jackass comin’ up with his cellphone askin’ if he can take a picture, which is fine, but then he’ll [...]

Harden questionable for game 4 after getting beard stuck in zipper doing sit-up

Oklahoma City Thunder shooting guard James Harden may be unable to compete in Saturday’s game four matchup against the San Antonio Spurs after getting his beard stuck in his zipper while doing sit-ups. When undertaking some light conditioning Friday morning, the NBA’s reigning sixth man of the year found himself face-to-face with his own crotch, as his notoriously long beard became entangled with his zipper. Thunder medical personnel made an effort pull the beard free but had to stop at risk of ripping the hair from Harden’s face. Coach Scott Brooks commented on the situation early Friday afternoon, hinting that Harden was at serious risk of missing Saturday’s game. “Well, the beard’s really caught deep in there. And I mean really, really deep. It hardly makes sense. This must’ve been the most enthusiastic sit-up of all time, because at this point it’s hard to tell where the zipper starts and the beard ends,” said Brooks. Harden also spoke to the media Friday from the floor near his locker, bent in [...]

Philosophical Kendrick Perkins ponders whether a free throw can ever truly be free

OKLAHOMA CITY – While his teammates’ minds are likely heavily invested in the NBA Finals series against the Heat, Oklahoma City Thunder center Kendrick Perkins is reserving his mental energy for subjects of greater philosophical importance. The low-post big man has confessed to struggling lately with a question that strikes him each time he steps onto the court: Can a free throw ever truly be free? “Basketball is my life, so it’d be foolish for me to blindly accept everything I’m told about the game,” mused Perkins. “We call it a ‘free throw,’ but where does the freedom come in? As it results from a foul, the circumstances are involuntary, bound by the shackles of the rulebook. If the shot is truly free, then shouldn’t it originate from my own determination and not the physical or environmental causal factors present in the field of play?” Thunder coach Scott Brooks, upon hearing Perkins’ query, quickly dismissed himself from the discussion. “Jesus, not this again.” Perkins accepts that particular elements of the [...]