Tags archives: fighting

Nation’s UFC fans land job at Hardee’s

THE UNITED STATES – After months of intermittently submitting job applications to appease their nagging stepmoms, the nation’s UFC fans announced Thursday that they had been hired to work the morning shift at Hardee’s restaurants around the country. For the next four days, the UFC fans will learn how to operate the cash register under the supervision of a 43-year-old assistant manager named Rodney, who used to get into UFC and all that but now mostly just sticks to dragsters and NASCAR. “But I’ll definitely still watch it if they got it on at B Dubs,” Rodney clarified. The nation’s UFC fans were dismayed to learn that on the job they will not be permitted to wear their black graphic tees patterned with ridiculous violent imagery such as angels made of fire and skulls with bullets for teeth, but instead will have to don the company-issued red polo shirt. “Fine, but I’m not gonna tuck it in,” muttered the UFC fans, who feel the constant need to act like hard-asses [...]

UFC admits inaugural 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day' was a tragic mistake

LAS VEGAS – Ultimate Fighting Championship, the world’s largest mixed martial arts promotion company, apologized Friday for hosting their first ever Take Your Daughter to Work Day, which they admitted was a “tragic mistake.” UFC president Dana White acknowledged in a press conference that it was a catastrophic misjudgment on the company’s behalf to bring little girls into the world of a violent, lawless blood sport. The event, which took place Tuesday, resulted in the hospitalization of nine different fighters’ daughters, most of whom are expected to suffer lifelong consequences for their brief participation in their parent’s profession. “In hindsight, in was a terribly irresponsible idea,” confessed White. “We wanted to show the world that the UFC had a soft side, that it wasn’t all about borderline maniacs trying to murder each other with their fists.” While the daughters participating in the event were originally supposed to assist their fathers in harmless, unobtrusive ways—helping them tape their hands, giving them water, etc.—the fighters eventually conceded that maybe the girls could [...]