Tags archives: basketball

Derrick Rose determined to return quickly from torn meniscus, find out what meniscus is

In his first public comments since the Chicago Bulls announced he would miss the entire 2013-14 season after undergoing surgery to repair a torn medial meniscus in his right knee, all-star point guard Derrick Rose vowed to work as hard as he could to return from his latest injury and to find out what exactly a meniscus is as soon as possible. “Obviously dealing with another setback this bad is very frustrating for me,” Rose said, as he flipped through a human anatomy textbook. “Fortunately I’ve been through this before, and I will have plenty of time to heal from this injury and figure out what that thing in my knee that hurts is. It starts with an M, that much I know for sure.” “It’s been so long since I took my SATs, it’s crazy how quickly you forget this stuff,” Rose added. “I think I did pretty well on the anatomy section too. How ironic. Right? That’s what that word means? The section with the words and letters [...]

Michael Carter-Williams wondering why Sixers GM keeps trying to squash him with anvil

Michael Carter-Williams worried he would lose minutes to more experienced veterans as a rookie for the Philadelphia 76ers. But after a stellar early-season performance netted him NBA Player of the Week honors and victories over the Heat and Bulls and , he’s no longer looking over his shoulder. Except for when he’s avoiding the giant anvil someone keeps trying to drop on him. Over the course of the last week, Carter-Williams has narrowly avoided being crushed by a giant falling anvil at the Sixers practice facility three times. While no one has been officially blamed for the near-accidents, many suspect Sixers GM Sam Hinkie, who has allegedly been going to great lengths to ensure Carter-Williams’ stellar play does not derail the team’s plan of tanking the regular season in order to secure a top-3 pick in the loaded 2014 draft. Carter-Williams, to his credit, strongly defended his GM. “The reports out there about Sam trying to hurt me are a bunch of bull,” Carter-Williams said. “Sam has been like a [...]

Lob City files for bankruptcy after loss to Lakers

Following an embarrassing 116-103 season-opening loss to the crosstown Los Angeles Lakers, the acting government of Lob City filed for Chapter 9 municipal bankruptcy, citing an unsustainable demand for oops and slams that has left the city overextended and deeply in debt. The bankruptcy came as a shock to some, as Lob City’s product — though sometimes volatile — seemed to stabilize after a disappointing 4th quarter performance last year. But with hundreds of millions invested in long-term assets, Lob City was forced to borrow against interest in their YouTube compilations — generally considered a dangerous move by financial analysts, especially with Lob City balance sheets showed significant major losses. “Lob City’s revenue base is unique among NBA cities, as its revenue is directly tied to the performance of the Lakers,” said NBA analyst Zach Lowe. “With Lob City taking such a beating at the hands of their crosstown rivals, residents of Lob City will soon be moving back to Los Angeles.” “Fewer residents means a smaller tax base, just [...]