Natalee Holloway discovered playing for WNBA team

CHICAGO – Over seven years after her disappearance in Aruba, leading to an international media sensation, Natalee Holloway was discovered on Wednesday playing basketball for the Chicago Sky of the WNBA.

The now-25-year-old woman, who had legally been declared dead earlier this year, has allegedly been playing professional basketball undetected for the last several years. Yet due to the widespread lack of interest in the WNBA, investigators insist that there is no way they could have reasonably detected her whereabouts.

“In recent years we have made many ambitious attempts to discover Ms. Holloway’s whereabouts, some of which could be considered long shots,” said Cedric Daimler, a private investigator on the case. “But no one can fault us for having not paid attention to the WNBA. It’s just unwatchable.”

Holloway, who’s been averaging four points a game off the bench, claims that she’s been desperately trying to make her presence known, but the media’s overwhelming apathy towards women’s sports has made it impossible.

“Seriously, before every game I would go out to center court with a sign that said, ‘I AM NATALEE HOLLOWAY, PLEASE LET EVERYONE KNOW I’M OK,’ and nothing ever came from it,” she said. “And I would’ve called people and let them know, but I can’t afford a cell phone plan on my meager contract.”

Investigators were finally alerted to her presence after several reporters accidentally showed up to Sky game thinking it was a charity scrimmage featuring Chicago Bulls forward Brian Scalabrine.

Chicago Sun-Times reporter Joe Henry was the first to make the connection.

“Well at first I was just confused and disappointed to have shown up at a WNBA game, since Scalabrine playing a scrimmage is ten times bigger of a story. But then I saw a girl who looked just like Natalee, and so I walked onto the court to ask if it was her—they don’t really stop the crowd from interfering—and sure enough it was.”

Holloway says she intends to make herself available to the media as soon as the season ends, but investigators have thus far been unable to determine when that might possibly be.

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