Ichiro retires after 4000th hit gets him into next round of bizarre Japanese game show

NEW YORK – Shortly after securing the 4,000th hit of his professional career on Wednesday, Yankees outfielder Ichiro Suzuki announced his sudden retirement from baseball, revealing that his entire 21 years as an athlete have all been in an effort to reach the next round of an elaborate and bizarre Japanese game show. The show, titled Takeshi’s Unbeatable Electro-Spandex Banzai Happy Sex Sports Time To The Limit!, is a wildly popular gladiator-type competition that challeng[...] continue reading ›