Latest jobs report shows 2,500 new chimpanzee jobs created through Super Bowl commercials

On the heels of another positive jobs report, the White House announced today that 2,500 new jobs were created for chimpanzees in this year’s Super Bowl commercials, a 10 percent increase from the previous year.

“The surge in chimp employment numbers is a sure sign that our economy is finally turning around,” said Vice President Joe Biden. “Along with the uptick in positions for talking dogs, sassy kittens and the traditional seasonal employment for clydesdale horses and polar bears, Super Bowl Sunday should guarantee record economic growth in the first quarter of 2013.”

Most leading economists also believe increased chimp employment will have an immediate impact on consumer confidence, as Americans have historically purchased literally anything that features chimpanzees in an advertising campaign.

Not all Americans are convinced that the chimp numbers mean an economic boon, however.

“Honestly, do you even remember what companies those chimps are advertising for?” said Osco salesman Frank Jeffries. “I mean, sure, a bunch of chimps riverdancing is entertaining, but what exactly does riverdancing chips have to do with car insurance? The whole thing makes me –”

Unfortunately, Jeffries was unable to finish his thought after becoming distracted by commercial for domain hosting service

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