Lane Kiffin asks Alshon Jeffery for help finding gas station job

LOS ANGELES – Two days after being fired as head coach of the USC Trojans football team, sources say Lane Kiffin is on the prowl for a new job, having reportedly called Chicago Bears receiver Alshon Jeffery asking for help finding work as a gas station attendant.

Starkly contrasted with the 2009 incident in which Kiffin, then coach at Tennessee, told Jeffery that, if he committed to the Gamecocks over the Vols, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life “like all the other players” from South Carolina, the unemployed 38-year-old now seems much more eager for Jeffery to take advantage of his gas station connections.

“Listen, Alshon, I know you and I don’t have the best history, but I could really use some part-time work until I’m able to get back on my feet,” Kiffin told Jeffery in a phone call Tuesday. “Is there any chance you could possibly ask one of your former teammates to help me find a gas station job? I don’t really have any experience with menial hourly work, but people are usually willing to hire me as long as my dad vouches for me.”

Caught off guard by the phone call, Jeffery admitted that he didn’t know of any former South Carolina teammates with connections at gas stations, though he said that he knew someone who owned a few gas stations who might be able to help him out.

“But you’d probably have to start off doing grunt work and then slowly work your way up,” Jeffery cautioned.

Kiffin shrugged off the notion, mentioning his atypical history of job promotions, including when he was 31 and was given a head-coaching job with the Oakland Raiders after only previously working as an assistant coach at the college level.

“Sure, he’ll probably start me off scrubbing toilets or something, but once my dad puts in a good word, I’m sure it’ll only take a week or so before they make me store manager,” Kiffin predicted. “And as soon as I can prove that I’m really bad at managing the store, I’m sure plenty of other gas stations will be offering me management jobs, too.”

Jeffery then rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

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