James, Wade keep things light during Finals by incessantly quoting Jar Jar Binks

MIAMI – One could expect the burden of the world’s expectations to take an oppressive toll on Miami Heat superstars LeBron James and Dwyane Wade, but the two have managed to keep things light during the Finals thanks to a shared love of the fictional Star Wars character Jar Jar Binks.

Featured prominently in The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, the much-maligned Jar Jar Binks has been a thorn in the side of Star Wars loyalists for his embarrassing comic sensibilities, but for James and Wade, the clumsy Gungan is exactly what the doctor ordered.

“Y’know, we like to have fun, cheese it up around the locker room,” said Wade to the media following the Heat’s game three victory over the Thunder. “And for LeBron and I, we both think Jar Jar Binks is the funniest thing ever, so when things are getting’ heated out on the court, I’ll be like, ‘Meesa very, berry tired, okee-day,’ and LeBron’ll be all like, ‘Weesa in big doo-doo wit da boss guy if weesa no win da game game!’”

James echoed Wade’s remarks, noting that the two will send each other several dozen texts a day in Binks speak.

“Yeah, you gotta have the game day mentality going from the moment you wake up, so I’ll pull up my phone in the morning and D will have texted me, ‘You-sa bettuh not be sweepy cuz we haz to go BOOM on da Thunder,’ or something like that,” said James with a hearty laugh.

The pair also admitted to calling teammate Chris Bosh “Jar Jar” from time to time, noting their similarities in appearance.

“Bosh, he got that Jar Jar neck,” observed Wade. “Sometimes we’ll rub it up and down for good luck, chanting, ‘WEESA GONNA WIN! WEESA GONNA WIN!’ We’re just kind of funny like that, and it helps us stay cool.”

When informed about Wade and James’ infatuation with Binks, Thunder forward Kevin Durant shook his head with disbelief.

“That’s stupid as hell, man. Truly, profoundly stupid. Now I’m inspired to really go all Jedi on their asses. This series is done.”

Add your own juke or spin

Have something to say?

Charles Barkley refuses to continue broadcast until someone explains magnets

ATLANTA – During an Inside the NBA broadcast coinciding with Thursday’s game between the Thunder and Timberwolves, TNT analyst Charles Barkley abruptly interrupted his cohosts and urgently demanded that someone give him an explanation for how magnets work. “Hold up, hold up, I’m sorry, but I can’t go on for another second of this broadcast until someone helps me figure out magnets,” shouted Barkley, visibly distressed. “Seriously, man, they weird me out. How can they do wh[...] continue reading ›