Melky Cabrera out for season with shrunken testicles, splotchy acne, inexplicable rage

  SAN FRANCISCO – The Giants announced on Wednesday that outfielder Melky Cabrera will sit out exactly 50 games in order to recover from several nagging ailments. The 2012 All-Star Game MVP, whose power hitting statistics have been growing at an unusually high pace in recent seasons, was immediately cut from Wednesday’s lineup after manager Bruce Bochy took an uncomfortable phone call from the Office of the Commissioner of Baseball that was most likely completely u[...] continue reading ›