Derrick Rose determined to return quickly from torn meniscus, find out what meniscus is

In his first public comments since the Chicago Bulls announced he would miss the entire 2013-14 season after undergoing surgery to repair a torn medial meniscus in his right knee, all-star point guard Derrick Rose vowed to work as hard as he could to return from his latest injury and to find out what exactly a meniscus is as soon as possible.

“Obviously dealing with another setback this bad is very frustrating for me,” Rose said, as he flipped through a human anatomy textbook. “Fortunately I’ve been through this before, and I will have plenty of time to heal from this injury and figure out what that thing in my knee that hurts is. It starts with an M, that much I know for sure.”

“It’s been so long since I took my SATs, it’s crazy how quickly you forget this stuff,” Rose added. “I think I did pretty well on the anatomy section too. How ironic. Right? That’s what that word means? The section with the words and letters wasn’t my best.”

Members of the Chicago Bulls athletic training staff said they will be working around the clock to provide Rose with any support he needs, and plan to assign a specialist who will work one-on-one with Rose to explain the function of a meniscus in layman’s terms.

“I already tried to describe it to him once, but his eyes glazed over as soon as I mentioned fibrocartilaginous tissue,” said Bulls head trainer Fred Tedeschi. “I think I’m going to try describing them as big muscle pillows for your leg bones, maybe that will work.

“I asked him where he left off in anatomy courses in high school, but all he could remember is playing Operation with his mom when he was 8 years old.”

At press time, Rose was still studying the anatomy textbook intently, but appeared to have skipped to the chapter on female reproductive organs.

 

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