NEW YORK – In response to being traded to the Buccaneers, Darrelle Revis bid adieu to his former team on Monday by taking out a full-page newspaper ad letting both the Jets and their fans know how strongly he hated them.
Titled, “To the Jets and Their Stanky-Ass Fans,” the letter ran inside The Star-Ledger’s sports section and extensively detailed the cornerback’s many grievances from his six years in New Jersey.
“I’d like to thank the Jets for one thing and one thing only,” Revis’ letter began. “For getting me out of this shithole.”
Unlike many franchise players who leave a team and send out a heartfelt thanks for the support of the fans, Revis’ farewell was bitterly critical of the culture of the team and its supporters, referring to the ticketholders as “a bunch of Long Island knuckle-draggers named Enzo,” among other things.
“The Jets will never again win a Super Bowl, but maybe they’d come close if their fans would actually support them from kickoff instead of lingering in the lots playing beer pong and cat-calling 16-year-old Snooki wannabes through the first quarter of every game,” he complained. “Why can’t you jackasses appreciate world class entertainment when you see it? Captain Buttfumble! The Incredible Tebow and His Sideline Sideshow! At least there’s some good comedy—just be thankful you’re not in Jacksonville.”
Revis went on to decry the team ownership, calling Woody Johnson “a walking penis with Marlins-esque ambitions,” and he also expressed his disappointment over head coach Rex Ryan’s weight loss.
“RIP to Fat Rex. That guy was hilarious. Now all you got is a shriveled up gym teacher with reams of excess skin and a foot fetish. Ain’t nobody wanna play under that guy. No one respects a skinny dude in a sweater vest.”
Revis finished his letter by detailing all of the different ways he plans on spending the $96 million in his new contract, and then, instead of a signature, he inexplicably included a crude drawing of Mark Sanchez being defecated on by a family of gorillas.