CLEVELAND – Undeterred by news that quarterback Brian Hoyer had suffered a torn ACL, members of the Cleveland Browns’ front office have reportedly agreed that Hoyer should still be their guy.
According to sources, Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski met with owner Jimmy Haslam and GM Michael Lombardi early Friday morning to discuss the team’s quarterback situation, eventually arriving at the conclusion that an undrafted benchwarmer with a crippling ligament injury was still somehow their best bet moving forward.
“What we need to keep in perspective is that this is a guy who won two games in a row for us. Two!” exclaimed Haslam. “I didn’t even know that was possible. Like, I’ve seen us win one game, then lose six games, and then win another game, but to win two games in a row, and then pave the way for a third win in a row? Torn ACL or not, this Hoyer kid could potentially carry us to a six- or even seven-win season!”
Though the other men initially expressed reservations over playing Hoyer on an injured leg, all three unanimously agreed that they couldn’t entrust Brandon Weeden with the starting role.
“What’s his deal, anyway? How can a second-year player be so old? Does he have Benjamin Button disease or something?” asked Chudzinski. “Yeah, no, I don’t want anything to do with that guy. Plus, let’s not forget that he once got sacked by a flag.”
After vetoing Weeden, the men briefly considered starting Jason Campbell but quickly dismissed the idea, noting that, as a career backup, he’d probably be happier staying in his comfort zone. Before a consensus could be reached on Hoyer, however, Lombardi said that he would but much more at ease if the 27-year-old’s leg was amputated above the knee and replaced with a prosthetic, allowing him to play without being restricted by the injury.
The men then agreed that this was the best course of action and immediately called Hoyer to let him know the good news.