Author archives: jubjub

Miami Heat fans upset no one told them city had undefeated football team until now

MIAMI – Fans of the Miami Heat were outraged Monday upon hearing that not only did Miami have a football team, but an undefeated one at that. The notorious fair-weather fans, many of whom heard news of the Dolphins’ 3-0 start through coworkers, were deeply upset to learn that no one had told them about the football team until now. “Wait, so Miami has a good football team, too?” asked Heat fan David Young, who in recent years has mostly considered himself a fan of the Pa[...] continue reading ›

Yankees honor Andy Pettitte with leftover cake from Mariano Rivera ceremony

NEW YORK – The Yankees honored long-time starter Andy Pettitte on Sunday, acknowledging his impending retirement with leftover cake from an earlier ceremony honoring closer Mariano Rivera. Pettitte, who recently announced that Sunday would be his 219th and final regular-season start with the Yankees, was recognized for his service in the locker room following the team’s 2-1 loss to the San Francisco Giants. “Hey, Andy, we didn’t really have any time to do anything for y[...] continue reading ›

If ‘Angels in the Outfield’ were remade in 2013

It’s been a miserable season for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Sitting 15.5 games back in the AL West with the season coming to a close, the team has fallen desperately short of the expectations they faced coming into 2013. Of course, bad Angels teams in the past have made miraculous comebacks, specifically the Angels in the 1994 Disney movie, Angels in the Outfield. So that got us wondering: What would happen if they remade the movie today with the current Angels tea[...] continue reading ›

Andy Reid dominant in return to favorite hamburger joint

PHILADELPHIA – Returning to Philly for the first time after coaching there for 14 seasons, Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid came out victorious, delivering a commanding performance at his favorite burger joint. Following Thursday night’s game against the Eagles, Reid hurried over to Bobby’s Burger Joint for a late-night snack, explaining that the restaurant held a very special place in his heart. “As a professional, you want to approach this just as you would any[...] continue reading ›

Cleveland Browns drop out of AP Top 25 Poll

CLEVELAND – A day after naming Brian Hoyer starting quarterback and trading away running back Trent Richardson, the Cleveland Browns have been dropped out of the Associated Press Top 25 Poll. The weekly poll, which compiles the opinions of sportswriters across the nation to determine the country’s best 25 collegiate-level football teams, revealed in its updated rankings Thursday that the Browns had fallen out of the poll entirely, after holding the 22nd position a week ear[...] continue reading ›

New Grand Theft Auto game lets users play as Detroit Lions players

DETROIT – Following the release of Grand Theft Auto V on Tuesday, many gamers were delighted to discover that they could use Detroit Lions players as controllable characters in the game’s interactive universe. In addition to the game’s three main playable characters, designers at Rockstar Games decided to include the option to explore the fictional world with Lions players, as the narrative’s reliance on small-time criminal antics seemed to perfectly compliment the NFL tea[...] continue reading ›

Nation’s sportswriters dream up hilarious scenario where Brian Hoyer is named an NFL starting QB

Collaborating in a lively email thread over the past several days, a number of prominent national sportswriters have dreamed up a hilarious scenario in which 27-year-old Brian Hoyer was named the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. While discussing how the Browns’ situation could possibly become more pitiful in light of Brandon Weeden’s hand injury, Pro Football Weekly’s Nolan Nawrocki jokingly suggested that Hoyer could be named the team’s starter. “The guy’[...] continue reading ›