Author archives: jubjub

Chicago Cubs fall short of World Series title

CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs fell short of a championship for the 105th consecutive season Wednesday, as the Boston Red Sox defeated the St. Louis Cardinals 6-1 to clinch the World Series title. “We came so heartbreakingly close, but once again, we unfortunately were unable to win the World Series,” said Dale Sveum, who was recently fired as the Cubs manager after somehow managing to make the team worse than it already was. “I mean, we came 27th closest to winning the title,[...] continue reading ›

Browns still thinking Hoyer’s their best bet for Week 6

CLEVELAND – Undeterred by news that quarterback Brian Hoyer had suffered a torn ACL, members of the Cleveland Browns’ front office have reportedly agreed that Hoyer should still be their guy. According to sources, Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski met with owner Jimmy Haslam and GM Michael Lombardi early Friday morning to discuss the team’s quarterback situation, eventually arriving at the conclusion that an undrafted benchwarmer with a crippling ligament injury was still s[...] continue reading ›

Lesser-known Matt Christopher books

If you’re a male who grew up in America, chances are you used to read Matt Christopher books. Most of the books had more or less the same premise: Something unusual or supernatural happens to a kid where he’s suddenly freakishly good at baseball or football, but once he finally gets his team to the big game, his talent disappears and he must look inside his heart to win the championship. Warm fuzzies for all. More than a hundred of the books were published over the years, [...] continue reading ›

Rays secure away-field advantage for ALDS

CLEVELAND – The Tampa Bay Rays were feeling confident following their 4-0 AL wild-card win over the Indians Wednesday knowing that they were heading into the American League Division Series with the away-field advantage. The Rays fought valiantly to finish the regular season with fewer wins than the Red Sox, successfully positioning themselves to play the least amount of playoff games in front of their hometown fans as humanly possible. Now getting ready to square off with[...] continue reading ›

Lane Kiffin asks Alshon Jeffery for help finding gas station job

LOS ANGELES – Two days after being fired as head coach of the USC Trojans football team, sources say Lane Kiffin is on the prowl for a new job, having reportedly called Chicago Bears receiver Alshon Jeffery asking for help finding work as a gas station attendant. Starkly contrasted with the 2009 incident in which Kiffin, then coach at Tennessee, told Jeffery that, if he committed to the Gamecocks over the Vols, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life “like all[...] continue reading ›